Keep going, don’t stop, never give-up

lol Good Day to you…the title today, is my mantra.

I will continue…speaking of continuing, I keep working on that #failed #oilpainting I shared in the last post, the up-side down lady…yeah well, when I woke up the next morning, she spoke loudly. I sat down with my coffee and turned on the lights to see her. She basically, started talking from go and started with…don’t turn me back over, yet. I was then instructed to get my normal palette out…all the juicy colors (squeeee)! She started talking about the night she spent standing on her head, to see things differently. I had dreamed about her the night before and she smiled in delight and gave me a wink. She remembers the dream too. What a wonder! We got to this point, before lunch:

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From here she spoke of love. Deeply thinking about the nature of this reality and the hope she holds for our future as the human race. We prayed while finding just the right shade of blue…and put on her super hero eye mask…because, super hero mask…enough said. We found our selves here after lunch:

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After a quick bite we got back to work…she wanted to talk about time. We chatted about it conceptually, while we had a giggle fit over the idea of marking time… like in the work place, you know,  those safety posters? That say things like “10 days with no on the job disasters!” lol We thought about the days of recent past and how  we would like to mark the days of mindfulness instead. Mark the days of love spoken and felt, instead. Marking down the days of being fully alive. Yeah, it sounded good to me too so at the end of the work day we found ourselves here:

13686722_10154503562998714_1843884042455657861_nShe tells me she feels better with the sunset blooming her face and love on her lips. She tells me the wind stopped by and put the wild in her hair. She whispered,

“see you in the morning doll face” as I went and adult-ed all over the place.

I will enjoy the finish.

See y’all later, have the day folks!

Love always, HA!❤

 

Arty-farty party, party…aka I just can’t with the world right now

Hello there, how’s it going today? 

Me, oh you know just making tons of art and trying not to eat allthecookies and drinkallthewine, when no one is looking. I am pretty sure as an artist, I could live on finger foods and good wine. If I had my way, when the paint is flying…someone would bring me food and wine when needed and never ask me to talk about life stuff while I am working.:) lol I know, right? Keep dreaming. Anyway I have been up to some shenanigans at the easel…the world is just too much for me, I pray then I work…it’s what I can do. So…let’s see where to start…how about this one…

13692474_10154487142593714_1040801405648747703_nThis is “listen” 20″ x 24″ oils gallery wrapped back stapled canvas 2016 HA!

Here are some more in progress shots…

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They were very wonderful to work with. We prayed together, we cried and laughed together. We told each other it was ok to linger, we were in no hurry for the pain to ease. We will wait and hold each other, gently. There is no need to rush. All is right in Love. Listen to the space between the words.

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It’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to not be ok. We love you. It’s ok for you to be here, we need you.

 

 

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“listen”

And then there was this one that failed:

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She started out, pretty good…she was like come on! work faster! stop thinking so much! and then this happens…

 

 

 

 

 

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you know it…I started thinking and she flipped out and decided to stand on her head until I understand the wrong of my ways and go back and get it right. She’s a tad on the demanding side, so we will need to work together again later…I think she will be worth it…but Lordy, that woman is demanding. Pass the wine.:)

My art loving husband brought home a found piece of art…on the side of the road stood a little old wooden sewing cabinet, hand painted all over in the most “screw the world” graffiti I have seen and I LOVED IT. It’s now my painting station table and it’s totally inappropriate for internet but it’s awesome and here is just one panel from inside the cabinet…every inch was painted, I so adore it…and all of it’s angst-ness.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!:)

 

I gotta run and work my friends. Know I love you and sure appreciate you being here today, HA!❤

 

New Project Launch – She is BulletProof

I did something this morning. I don’t even know what to say to explain what it is except a separate space for me to do…me. Nothing else, nothing to sell, nothing to read, nothing…really. Just rambling audio files, a spoken diary.  I’ve been recording these…entries for a lack or term…and anyway, I needed someplace to put them. I want to remember this journey I’m on, but I don’t want to do it here… where the art is happening. This space is a shared space with our Patrons, friends, followers and family. It’s about the art we make. She is Bulletproof is about me. Just me. So…listen if you like.

It’s just the ramblings of an ordinary superhero…who thinks she is bulletproof but isn’t.

The image is a link to the blog page I made this morning, I’m sure it won’t improve, it’s just a landing page for the files, but you are welcome to come listen, hit any of the links or the image itself, below.  Be well friends. Love Always, HA!❤

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I’ve been downgraded to a tropical storm

Hello and how do you do, today?

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My friends…I have not really been myself. Things have been screwy-louie and I have been having all the feelings. ALL OF THEM. It’s exhausting and makes my brain full of error messages. I also have been working through some acceptance issues…I have trouble  sometimes with accepting my physical situation. Even though I can’t really ignore it because of the constant pain, I still push myself to remain “myself” and do all the things. The things being stupid crap like, housecleaning, grocery shopping, errand running/procurement…you know basic Mom and Wife stuff…it also now is interfering with my ability to stand at the easel, (which I’ve always painted from that position) and actually be in any position for any extended length of time…except that is, laying down with my legs up. Can’t get much done from that position, let me tell ya. Pain also induces a fugue- state in the brain…brain fog I call it. Makes it hard to remember common words when you want them or being forgetful of small details, which is hard for me because I have always enjoyed being an owner of a lighting fast mind and steel trap memory.   Change. It’s not coming, like my Doctor said yesterday, “you must accept the situation now, accept the responsibility for how the rest of your life goes from here.” Ummm, yeah…I’m working on it.

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How do I accept the loss of my legs? Or, the loss of being an independent person that can do all the things to care for myself? Because I can’t anymore. I really can’t and that is actually accelerating at a much faster pace than we anticipated when they found “Henry” as I affectionately call my spine tumor, late last year. Hey if we have to live together for the rest of my natural born life, then it needed a name so I could try to negotiate a truce/friendship. There will be no going away party, not at least that I will attend in the flesh for Henry. We are together forever.

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I do have to accept things. I do have to accept the changes in my abilities and make changes so that I can still have a life worth living through this experience. How does one get comfortable with the idea that the pain I feel now will only continue to get worse, until the unthinkable happens…and I hope to live for awhile…so I’ll do it it increasing pain…hhhhhmmmm, yeah. My brain says fuck that shit. My body says, dude, we passed the fuck this shit mile marker waaaaaaay back…you sooooooooooo totally need to get over yourself. My body is obviously a 80’s valley girl. Awesome. Totally.

So, as the world burned down last week…I did too in some ways. I feel the pain of the collective…it comes in waves, crashing. I ground, I allow, I also facilitate energy movement and clearing. I allow and transmute through artworks and acts of love and helpfulness into the world. I clean it up so to speak and send it back to re-circulate. I sometimes feel like one of those charcoal filters you hang on your fish tank…yeah like that…and so I need a good rinse and scrubbing off every once in awhile.

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Isn’t interesting that we are all where we are doing what we are doing? Isn’t it?

I am allowing a little more clear thinking about the truth of this now…I can only practice the things I am not…like, accepting hard truths or creating expectations in general…I can not practice what I AM, which is currently without a title or label. It’s a vast, expansive feeling,  I can tell you that, I can feel what it is but I can’t name it, yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able too, I know it’s ok…to die. I’m a durable spirit, if I so choose, I’ll transform into light and do what light does. This body is familiar though and dear to other humans that I love deeply. So, I will figure it out, even if that means I have to tap the love I have for my people over the love of my stubborn willfulness…I can do it all myself! I don’t want help or pity! I’m fine! I can handle it! Stop looking at me with that tone! Sheesh… I’m a real pain in the butt it sounds like. I know I’m not but it feels that way to have to ask for help with everything.

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The struggle is real. I am very appreciative and grateful for this life. I am very very happy to still be alive and get to see my children grown. Jeeze, it’s just a couple of legs…you’ll still be here, thinking and creating and loving, shit…I’m pretty sure it’s not the worst thing, like ever…it’s bad… but worst thing ever? Probably not…I mean I ain’t dying. So, there is that. Keep things in perspective you know? Plus the world of prosthetic and mobility assistance is really coming a long way, so I’m gonna get me some bejeweled legs, because I like sparkle and my wheelchair is going to be jet propulsion, because um, like cool factor of a million %. Am I right?

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Thanks for listening, allowing space for me in your world for a coupla minutes, I sure appreciate you. Want a safe, non judgement spot to vent or get something off your chest? Hey, I hear ya we all need that sometimes, feel free to leave a comment and let-it-go…happy to hold space for you too, that’s what friends are for.❤

Love always, HA!

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Screw being a weekend warrior-I AM the War

I don’t know what to say, so I’ll say it anyway. Last week was so hard to believe. I mean, right? Video’s of executions, sniper’s, killing American’s with no due process via robot bombs, slain police officers in the line of duty while doing good works, children witness to the murder of a loved one.

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The list actually goes on but my GOD * sorry i need to pray, hold the line, please…*Sweet baby Jesus, I pray for peace in this world’s heart of hearts, please, Dear Lord, allow this pain to be the crucible, in which we rise as a people, to serve and protect goodness, love, the honor of mankind. Please Dear Lord,  give us the courage to love and protect each and every life, please Lord protect our brown skinned brothers and sisters, help us to change this awful world where subjugation and oppression and extortion is their way of being in this world, Please Dear Lord, give all the “white” people the courage to stand, fight, and change this awful truth into LOVE for ALL. We are all children of The Creator, let us see family in the strangers eye and embrace change, renew us in Love.  Amen. #BlackLivesMatter

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I am white. My children are white. I make no apology as I am not ashamed nor responsible for that fact. I did not arrange my molecules for a smooth ride. I would assume that all people regardless of race, creed, or what have you…that we all feel unapologetic about the current reality paradigm.  We didn’t make it, we were born into it, too. All of us, no exemptions. So, therefore…it makes no sense that we are still talking race. It’s just plain evil. It’s incredible to me. I am not “white” you are not “whatever you are” those are labels meant to classify and define difference and not in a good feeling way. It is divisive. PC much? It’s a blind to hide behind. Look I don’t care if you notice that I happen to be white and I won’t stop myself from seeing that you are “fill in the blank”. Hi human. I’m human too let’s make the world better for life. Let’s change this stupid horrible short sighted fear based bullshit into a garden. Let’s get in the street and help our fellow citizens…let’s hold space for Black Lives. When that change has happened and they actually matter, we can move to the next thing that needs solving stronger, together. Safe in the understanding we live in a JUST reality that is protected by CIVIL RIGHTS FOR ALL HUMANS. #BlackLivesMatter This is not US against them…unless you mean US as in the unwashed masses against THEM the elite 1% that just hijacked the Presidential race and no one seems to care. Then yeah… I’m ready to hold, make, and protect space for my fellow humans, hell yeah I’m down with getting in the muck and holding your hand and raising my fist to the powers that be WITH you. I love you, I want change. I am white, and #BlackLivesMatter to me.

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Y’all, I’m spent. Honestly. I just want to reach through this screen and be able to hug the crap outta each and every one of you. Man, I love us, I hope we all make it, into the light with us all! #raiseyourvibration

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I have another post coming…it’s more art stuff and ya know…regular stuff…but Lord on Duty…I needed to talk it out a little. I needed to vent it so I can try and move through this week with less fear and all the courage that LOVE brings.

Because, I am ready. Ready to love…I am ready for War. I am the War. I wage Love and Unity…that I do it with fucking honor…I’ll fight to break those chains of slavery, worldwide, let’s do it. Let’s use the fuel of Love to wage a non-violent War on the darkness that threatens all life on Earth, the Evil that is killing our Black Brothers and Sisters. We shall wage War on that front first…but know, we are coming for you…be warned Evil. Your days are numbered. I am the War. I AM Love and I AM Willing.

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Check in with the Black people in your life. Ask them how they are doing. Ask them if they need a hug. Ask you local cop how they are doing. Ask them if they need a hug. Look after your elders, ask them what they need today, ask them if they need a hug. Find a child and love them as they are. Ask them if they need anything. For the love of all the is Holy…look at every stranger and smile at a family member you have not met yet. Ask them if they are ok. Ask them if they need a hug. Do it. Be it. This is the Mountain top…let’s see in every face…the Reality of a Promised Land. Amen.

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❤ HA!

Change the world today, love someone/yourself just as you/they are in this now.

Don’t be color-blind. Be Technicolor and Brave!

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The world might be actually going to Hell in a hand basket…

but know this…I love you. I believe in you, I believe in us. I know we can solve these problems, if we can only see each other like family. Some we like more than others but we are all family, the whole planet is related by one common thing…we are all limited edition human beings. We all are ONE.

I honestly can’t today. I can’t. I feel so heavy and useless. I feel pointless and aimless. I feel lost and confused and alone and over worked and ignored and disrespected and annoying to be around. I am in sharp physical pain and my mind and soul are hurting too. I don’t know what to do about it, it happens all the time, the world creeps into my life and takes giant shits everywhere, people ignore the unpleasant/uncomfortable truths, give into the I-don’t-want-to-do-it’s and lack the accountability to deal with their own darkness, so they push it out or down or away. Blame. Punish. Control. Extort. Rage. Ignore. useless shit unless you do something with it. Change your self, situation or circumstance all else is madness…or some stupid thing like that, that doesn’t even work in the real world. I’ve tried to change myself, the situation, the “circumstance” and I don’t want to leave it…(the world, all of it). I’ve tried, lord knows I have tried everything I can think of…the big situation [macro] out there and the ones inside [micro], too.

Guru’s and their freaking detachment skills…be love my ass, I’m pissed right now. Pissed and hurt and scared for US. I will not be your enemy, no matter how hard  evil tries to make me believe that there even is an enemy to be against. I will love, I will not live in hate or spite or resentment…or fear. Fuck right the hell off with that. It ain’t happening, I’ve had enough personal terror to understand evil. I know evil, I was raised in the den with evil. I survived the evil. I will not hurt people with thought or deed because I am a hurt person. Fuck you evil, I AM…Love…with teeth and claws and a quiver full of arrows…so, watch yourself…scat to the devil. I AM a Child of Light of the Divine Creator… (the whereabouts of said Creator, currently unknown, I am making missing persons posters as we speak)…and I am love.

I am also sad. So very sad. Deeply sad.

No one is coming to save us.

No rescue is coming.

We must save ourselves.

We must not loose each other.

We must care about it all and not just the one thing we understand.

We must stop allowing evil purchase in this reality.

We must stop hiding.

We must be who we are.

I have to go to work. I have to coach people into their highest selves now. I have to love them. I have to love them. I have to love them. Love Them.

HA!❤

#raiseyourvibration #Savetheworldwithlove #revolutionizelove