Talking
Journal drawing 2006
Good Morning.
Let’s start this off with a quote shall we?
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I have learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmitted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power that can move the world.


Gandhi (1869 – 1948)
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Maybe one more:

Recipe for greatness – To bear up under loss, to fight the bitterness of defeat and the weakness of grief, to be victor over anger, to smile when tears are close, to resist evil men and base instincts, to hate hate and to love love, to go on when it would seem good to die, to seek ever after the glory and the dream, to look up with unquenchable faith in something evermore about to be, that is what any man can do, and so be great.


Zane Grey (1875 – 1939)
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Ok, I’m ready.
In the great wheel of life, we as a family have been more down than up in the recent years. 9/11 pretty much brought down the house for us, not that we were involved in any way directly, but the effect of that event closed down our family owned business. We lost it all in an economic fall out that played out in many small towns across America that following year. We gambled and lost.
We have worked hard to re-build. We’ve done it too, we’ve kept this family together, and strong through it all.
It’s true, I’m not ashamed.
We have been busy digging in, doing what’s needed, what’s right. Three solid years of digging in, and we’ve had almost 7 full months of not having to worry about paying bills, health care coverage, buying food, finding jobs.
Let me just say, I am grateful for these 7 months, very deeply grateful. I even got to pay off old debt a little, and really felt good about getting back on track.
Mate Man came home yesterday with the news that his job is being eliminated.
Let that sink in.
Eliminated.
No longer needed.
The company that created his position and hired him for it has been acquired by a larger company. The original company was a mid sized 35 year old, family owned and run corporation.
In the transfer of the company they needed Mate Man to run the state of Ky for them. So, they hired him on, told him he needed a good car (which we didn’t have at the time), gave him a car allowance…and off we went. Mate Man and I went out and went into debt to the tune of 11, 000.00. Modest really, but we found him a good, safe car to drive the two and three hour commutes, each way.  Again…off we went.
Well, long story short…the original company family members cut a back door deal to stay in the operations loop, and thus still have money coming in as well as their shares. One of the things was that the guy that had Mate Mans job (sorta, they changed it all around) he was supposed to move way up in the new company. He failed to do that and they were looking for something to do with him, so they decided to give him his old job back and therefore Mate Man is no longer needed.
Fun huh?
I had not really thought that this was a ten year job for him…but I was hoping for one solid year of not worrying about money issues. I mean, uuummm, like when the holy hell is it our turn at the wheel?
I am so mad, seriously.
Mate Man has worked so hard, he makes it his job to find a job every time things like this have happened. He is a hard working man that never misses a day of work, unless he thinks he might be dying. The market is tough and family wage jobs are hard to find. Holy hell, they almost don’t exist. We are paying now 225.00 more a month for the same amount of groceries. We can’t do that and be significantly under-employed too. Now with a big  car payment too. They don’t want his car, Oh no, we bought that on our credit…it’s ours…a bonus!
I’m feeling a little crazy, a little off kilter.
I have to go to work at my day job, and think only about other peoples issues and how to help them find their way out. I find that being overwhelmed in my private life, makes it a whole lot easier to loose myself in other peoples stuff. I mean who want s to look at the current mess on the floor?
I will live with this new reality for a couple days before I decide a course of action to take. Think it though, lean on my mate and listen to him and his needs, work together as a team to find a solution. We will get through this, but damn I can’t help feeling pissed off that we have to do it all again.
S.O. freaking S. universe, we’ve had enough now…please.
Blech!
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In other news, I have started another round of Art Auctions, check them out. I’ve lowered all the prices and am ready to clear the studio, asap. Make me offers, don’t be shy.
I’m back to shaking the money tree and seeing what can possibly fall out.
I am ready to receive.  {Pink Floyd}
I just wish I could get comfortably numb.
*weak ass grins, but it’s still there dammit!*
Heather
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