To Share in brief, this is a great example of what we as a family and as individuals are doing NOW.
Here’s the part that I thought really needed sharing now:
So here’s the clip, do go to the page link above to read the entire article.
Telling the Truth
Telling the truth is not just about not lying.
It is about honoring yourself—expressing what you truly want.
It is about saying what is there for you—what is in the space between you when you look at the other person.
“Of course!” You may say.
But we stop short all the time, don’t we?
Or we share irresponsibly by blaming and shaming.
We do this for several reasons:
1. Fear [that the other person will not like us, leave us, that we will not be liked, etc]
2. Fear that the other will respond in a way that we do not want to deal with [shame, upset, etc—essentially their inability to “hear” our truth]
3. Attachment to the Other or to the relationship and being identified with it as the “I”—feeding in on 1 and 2 above
4. While 2 is a real and valid fear that can be verified in our experience with the person we are in relationship with, numbers one and three are due to a lack of a healthily developed ego which can certainly be overcome.
5. We blame and shame for an often hollow and short term “self-esteem” boost. Not really esteem for the self at all—but pre-rational ego where we indulge in superiority or go for that pound of flesh or that pint of blood. To extract payment for “wrongs” and lose all graciousness and openness. In the end, this is a lose-lose approach.
As in all things related to evolution, it is not a question of whether we experience the above or not—but rather to what degree.
What is fundamentally necessary for telling the truth
is our ability to witness our sensations and emotions
as well as meta-cognition
—that is thinking about our thinking
or about our own process.
It is these skills of self-observation that allow
us to notice when we have internal dissonance
and to notice how telling the truth typically relieves that tension.
We can also share “responsibly”.
That is we can say “I am noticing I am…” upset, etc. rather than the irresponsible “you upset me”, etc.
Additionally, the acceptance that there is no true “one” for us assists in relieving the attachment once noticed.
That there are many and that each relationship we have will be deeper and richer for so long as we are conscious and consciously evolving we are attaining greater depths.
As a result, we can reflect back greater depths.
As a result we have deeper and richer relating.
We often also confuse qualities that we love for the people—collapsing qualities with identity.
The truth, contrary to the Platonic view of love,
is that there is no “other half” for us to find or be completed by.
And to paraphrase Nathaniel Branden,
until one is completely at ease
with the truth that they are ultimately alone
are they ready for healthy romantic love.