The artists life-hard work, long hours and lots of waiting to see what happens next.
Y’all its been crazy. Hands down, wild ride up in here. I know its been months since I stopped by and chatted you up. We have been super busy. Working our day jobs, working on the business stuff, grinding hard AND making New ART!
So lets do a little speedy catch up. Well, if you know me, I’ll try hard to be brief as its not my strong suit. Let’s get to it….
Live Life Daily
I have been experiencing (extreme) overwhelm. So many great things are happening with the pour paint kits and the art we are into and also, some really gut wrenching family stuff, that’s been keeping me on my knees, talking to the God on duty.
Learning how to navigate my grief, physical chronic pain and be productive and excited about the good stuff…at the same time, in the same body with the same hours in the day as everyone else, has been a huge life lesson. (ongoing) I’ve been spinning, keeping center with the weight of the work load. That works but not forever. Its not a solution as much as a work around. I’ve been feeling numb. I realized I was exhausted. We took a short vacation (note to self: shut up brain about the money, it’s just money, we will make more) and I feel like oxygen is getting into my lungs again.
While on the beach…struggling with my body to walk on the beautiful (soft) sand, I remined myself to live. Now. In. Pain. Wow. OMG. Look! Birds! Look! Ocean waves! Screw off pain, I’m busy walking on the beach with my love, in the sunny spots we smile at each other and I don’t have time for you. (Thank goodness for ocean views and hot tubs, lordy!)
In a recent mediation I heard three words…Live. Life. Daily.
Live. Life. Daily. Huh? Really? Are you talking to me?
I checked in with myself…am I not living, daily? You know what? I wasn’t. I was in the future trying to fix/solve/repair all the big issues (I have hyper responsibility issues, its a thing and it sucks) and/or I was fretting about all the things yet undone for the future to happen the way I want it too. Spending every waking moment running from my internal dialogue by working harder at “becoming”. Hey, I’ll say this manic phase has been good for our business, we have a trademark in process now! But still…Good Grief! That’s no kinda living at all. When I realized I was valuing myself…solely on what I accomplished each day, how I looked doing it and wondering if I could hold my shit together, one day at a time; another 6 months flew by, in real time, its really crazy making.
My saving grace is the art. The real work. The valuable work that allows me to find myself, again and again. I’ve been at the easel. Alone and now more often than not, with Bill. We always loved working together and have done several works over the last 5 years. All of those works have found their way to their forever homes, btw. (we had not noticed they were all gone, until recently)
A few months ago we really started painting together, on a spur of the moment. We were bored. We had done 9 weeks of hard work getting the kits online with Amazon (we are now on Amazon y’all!) and had literally run out of things we needed to do. A rare free moment in the studio and the ipad full of random sketches…a small challenge was issued. Let’s paint at the same time on the same canvas and see what happens. Ok…what do ya want to paint?
How about a villa? Ok, I’ve never done anything like that so yes, let’s paint….
so much fun ensued. So. Much. Fun.
Point of the story is…life is hard. Life is amazing. Life is brutal and exhausting. Life is glorious ambiguity and divine timing and magical.
Oh, yeah and it’s freaking HARD! If we are in it, the universe delivers. If we are not present, we suffer, more than needed.
I realized I was living, again. Starting to feel again, alive and excited. I am carrying my internal experience, it is unresolved so its a open wound, still.
I am also creating my rebirthing acting as my own agent and doing all the things!!! I am good at this!
I am living those two truths, at the same time. It’s interesting, scary and unavoidable. I continue to deepen my understanding of grace and endurance. Faith and compassion. Triggers and reality. Success and thriving. Love and loving. Fear and truth. reality. reality. reality.
Art is good for your mental health. Get creative, watch your world change. Discover who you are and why you are here.
We have been working really hard, learning, pushing and growing. Every spare moment and all the stolen ones too. We have committed to a years worth of live painting, downtown and the art show season is opening up. We are booking. It’s amazing. My personal work is growing in depth and clarity. My new work with Bill is exploding! I mean people are really into watching us two middle aged people dance around each other and paint. It’s too much fun. We are unapologetically ourselves…we are equally passionate arty weirdos. It’s so much fun and the art is awesome, people are loving it, we feel excited. I’m really into it.
Living. Life. Daily.
Its easy to get stuck, its hard to move through the storms. My grandpa would say “do it! It’ll put hair on your chest!” LOL I get it. There is no joy if you don’t understand the pain. I appreciate every moment simply because I’m still here and that matters to me, again.
Raw and radiant. No fear. eyes open. Head into the wind, its a good day to… be alive!