Tuesday. Well, nice to see you, here we are again. Annnnd I don’t wanna do it today. how about you? How you doing? I want to call in on Tuesday. I need to get grounded, like this collection of pictures about my feet.
I started a project not long ago, when I got out of bed, after languishing in my “oh my Goodness, I have cancer” phase, that lasted almost 2 years. I started taking pictures of my feet on the ground. I wasn’t aware that it was happening at the time but I now find that I have amassed a collection of pictures, representing this discovery. Having my feet under me and the luxury of being upright, is still a thrill, daily. (kindly use your imagination to insert announcers voice here…”can she do it folks…yes, yes….she’s upright….another victory!” and the crowd goes wild. Thank you.) One that I hope will never forget. It comes with a price, nothing is free. I live with acute chronic pain, in my legs and back. Not much can be done about it, at least not that I want to do. I have learned that pain isn’t the worst thing that can be happening, in a life, a day, and/or experience. Shit boy howdy, I’ve learned a lot from being invisibly disabled. Indeed.
So, on days like today when the blahs are beating a double back beat in my brain pan…I take out these images of me on my feet. In all kinds of places. In all kinds of memories. In all kinds of invisible pain, too. They are victory images. My name is victory. These are the days that I stood. These are the days I stand. This is being for me. This open defiance of what is “real” and what I will allow to be. I do not own my pain. I do not live with my pain. I do not accept my pain as a state of being. In open defiance and against all advice, I stand. I will not allow my physical being, emotional pain, or past experiences define who I am in each moment. I stand. I accept this experience for what it is. Experience. not punishment. Experience, which is usually a survivable issue, regardless of comfort levels.
So, while I can still hear that thumping beat…I’m gonna not call in on the day and go set some shit on fire instead. I’ll stand today. I’ll see what happens, I’ll take it as it comes and I might be found reading a book with milk and cookies around noontime. Fine by me. That too, is part of todays experience. So be it. Carry on. Be a dear will ya? Pass me those matches over there… and are the cookies cool enough to eat yet?
The evolution of being. This is my story of becoming. In this story…I stand. (and eat cookies ) Say thank you….from the back.
How do you push through days that are difficult from go? Do you have a practice for acceptance and accountability in these Human Moments? Please share if you are so inclined, I am genuinely interested.
Have a beautiful day. Big Love.
Raw and radiant,