“The soul-which I’m defining as our capacity for these deeply positive human qualities-is something that, in most of us, desperately needs to be developed. Too many of us live in a fractured state, deeply divided against ourselves-often far more so than we are aware of or able to feel. We exist in a self-generated vacuum of moral ambiguity, where everything is relative and our attention is focused mainly on our emotional state. Most of us know a lot more about what really matters than we are willing to live up to. Indeed, we are attracted to that which is beautiful, profound, and meaningful but find ourselves lacking the soul strength to really struggle, to engage in a life-and-death wrestling match with our own division, cynicism, and inertia. The awful truth is that it is just easier for us not to care that much. In order to care that much, we have to be willing to feel a connection with life that is so deep that it hurts. We have to be ready to step onto the field of our own experience in a way that is authentic, unconditional, and deeply committed-to embrace a kind of fearless vulnerability where our transparency is our strength and the living experience of connection is permanent, unbroken, and inescapable.”
‘Fracture Point’ is about the emotional attachment to the world of things. I had the chance just last night (at 2 am in the morning in fact) to learn again how to let go of things that do not define me as a human being. I am a very light sleeper, and I have insomnia that is very problematic. So getting a good nights sleep for me is crucial to my everyday emotional landscape. (It also helps to keep people from getting blow torched by my bad moods because I am over tired). OK, long story short…
The doorbell rings at 2 am, it’s the Repo guy here to take back the car that we can’t pay for since Mate Man lost his job three months back now. Was I ashamed or shamed in any way that my car was being repossessed? Not at all. Why would I be?
The guy wanted to know if we needed to get anything from the car before he took it. We told him no, gave him the keys and said thanks. He was shocked, I imagine in his line of work people don’t usually respond in a helpful manner to him taking their car in the middle of the night. In the south, you might even get shot having such a job. After that I could not go back to sleep and I had already started this work, so I thought why not finish it? I mean while I have the emotional learning thing going on. So, we lost a car, not the worst thing that could happen. Not at all. Now I have less overhead with the cost of the car and more room in my driveway. All good things. Credit destruction…I laugh at that…I have not had good credit in so long that I don’t remember what that was even like. I don’t use credit for the most part in my life anyway, I work on a cash basis, so it’s not the worst thing ever. When we lost our farm and business 6 years back we had no debt except for the home and business loans…so when we went under, so did our credit rating. Whatever. 🙂
I kept working on my painting, letting the shock of being woke up in that manner seep out of me. I realized that I was creating a work to heal myself before I “knew” that I would need the healing.
I am what I am. I am OK and I am enough. I painted Fracture Point to remind myself, that the world only has power over my life, if I let it. I have the ability to take something that looks broken on the outside and make it a thing of beauty even in it’s imperfection.
Life is hard. Death I don’t fear, it’s the living that sometimes scares me to death. LOL So, I paint it out. I paint out the fear. I paint out the conclusions. I paint out the discovery. I paint out the love. Let me make it clear…
I paint out the love.
I paint to remember that the opposite of fear is not courage, it’s love. I am what I am, I do what I want and I will not hide that truth. I am whole and I am fractured too. It’s the way we put it all together that makes it [a life] a thing of beauty, or a train wreck. I am all about the beauty.
I hope you are all having a great day, and thanks for reading.