Here are the quotes that speak to my inner turmoil today:
“Life is a kind of game. Once you realize this, you can do lots of things, even unpleasant things, for the sake of learning and growth–without being encumbered by the weight of negativity.”
Greek for “still I am learning.”
We pay a heavy price for our fear of failure. It is a powerful obstacle to growth. It assures the progressive narrowing of the personality and prevents exploration and experimentation. There is no learning without some difficulty and fumbling. If you want to keep on learning, you must keep on risking failure – all your life. ~John William Gardner (1912 – )
OK, so I just got a new commission. (Yippppeee!)
I will be painting a large work of a special rock formation in Colorado for a patron. She has bought two of my works before and this is the first time she has ever commissioned a work of art before.
I don’t really “do” commissions, truthfully. I’ll do one for someone that I know, one who will let me figure it out, and give me the time to do it…if I know them a little bit at least, as far as their personality goes.
I agreed because…well I have not had a lot of sales this year, and I would love to see that change…and because it’s a challenge to do this work.
***I posted the blog…re-read it and then felt like I left out the important thing right here…so here it goes. ***
When I was a kid, my Father was a really talented hobby painter. I wanted to paint like him so bad that when I was little…I could feel it in my little body. It felt just like it does now, I have to paint! I HAVE TO PAINT! Ok, so my Dad was a meanie back then, and when he taught you something you had to pick it up quick, or it wasn’t going to be fun anymore. At. All.
One day, I was about 12, he said he would get me my own supplies to paint with if I could show him that I had the steel to learn how to paint a landscape painting out of this learn how to paint with oils book. If I could accomplish the lesson, with some sort of talent showing through I would win the prize of being able to paint what I wanted with a butt load of supplies.
Of course, I bit.
It went really badly.
I didn’t paint again for 20 years. At. All.
It was all over a freaking snow covered barn, in a wooded setting.
So, I have been presented with an opportunity to challenge myself through/and above an emotional trigger point.
Ahhh, haaa…now, I get it.
This of course is not a snow covered cabin in a wooded setting, it’s a great wonder of nature and majesty. I mean at least the universe gave me something inspiring to work it out with, right? I’ll get to leave it out on the rocks, so to speak.
I take the challenge
I find that I have developed a reverse OCD about my life.
I want to heal.
If given a healthy way out…I’ll take it, with a shit eating grin. “Why thank you very much, I’m going to get a whole lot out of this one!”
I feel better now, I got that out of my system.
Half the battle with the (inner) self is admitting that there is a difficult challenge ahead. Therefore, the challenge is going to be difficult, deal with it, and get over the obstacle. You have to do it, or face living between the walls, forever.
I need space baby.
I am a big person.
I can thank my Father in all this.
I can be grateful that he didn’t teach me the lesson that he set out to do, but he did teach me how to endure the lessons of life, a life where I make the rules, with grace and grit.
So, thanks Dad.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled BAD! Kitty report…a stone skipping along the surface of things, but we all know that some where a stone girl is dancing.
I don’t do landscapes, really…no, not at all. I spent my entire working life drawing, planning, planting and creating REAL landscapes for people and I just don’t have the desire to learn to paint a good landscape. I love watching Bob Ross…but I don’t want to paint like him. So, now I find myself looking at the need to learn and complete a new work in a matter of a couple of months time.
Did I already say that I don’t do landscapes?
Oh, I did…well… er…then…
I am now teaching myself what Heather Landscape looks like.
I don’t want to step outside my own style too much, I mean it has to resonate with me and what I like to do, I have to be happy while I am working. I don’t mean to say that I have to be all smiles and tra-la-la while I am painting, just that I need to have a real interest in what I am doing.
So…in the effort to find my inner landscape artist…finding the inner Whoo-Hoo!, I am practicing like a mad woman. So far…I am sucking at this.
Great. No where to go but up from here, I can only get better at this.
I am secretly glad that I don’t know what I am doing…I do my best work when I don’t have a freaking clue.
My lovely patron gave me the space to do what I need to do…her only rule is that I don’t do the painting until I “feel” the rightness of the time and the energy. She so freaking rules! I love my patrons…so far I have never had a bad apple to deal with. (7+ years now and counting, knock on wood)
Also because I don’t accept commissions as a rule…I cut out a lot of worry time at the easel.
I am looking forward to the challenge…and just so you know unless I get something pretty good…I won’t be showing my practice runs here. I may however reach out to my talented band of artist Friends and ask for advice and/or help. So you’ve been warned artist Friends…you that have training and all that jazz…you’ve been warned!
Well, I must get to the easel, and practice and learn.
I hope you all are being challenged in your worlds and that you embrace the day as it unfolds.