(above) the new picture of the nebula ‘the Eye of God’
as seen from Hubble…last month
“Hope is a state of mind, not of the world . . .
Either we have hope or we don’t;
it is a dimension of the soul,
and it’s not essentially dependent
on some particular observation of the world
or estimate of the situation.
Hope is not prognostication.
It is an orientation of the spirit,
and orientation of the heart;
it transcends the world that is immediately experienced,
and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons …
Hope, in this deep and powerful sense,
is not the same as joy that things are going well,
or willingness to invest in enterprises that
are obviously heading for success,
but rather and ability to work for
something because it is good,
not just because it stands a chance to succeed.
The more propitious the situation
in which we demonstrate hope,
the deeper the hope is.
Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism.
It is not the conviction that something will turn out well,
but the certainty that something makes sense,
regardless of how it turns out.”
Today I work with hope in my corner.
My fever pitch of working means I don’t have a lot to report about.
I see my kids as if they are waking dreams, floating through the studio with kisses and needs to be met. I hug my mate as if he were a visitor, surprising me with his arrival upon my doorstep. I eat every once in awhile and sleep too little. I stand under the running water and forget why I am there. I am tired and my body aches. Possessed by the effort to work harder, driving myself to the finish line of something to be proud of. Waiting for no one, taking no prisoners, allowing no distractions…the paint flows like wine, and my creative thoughts pile up on themselves like driftwood on the shore.
I just work harder is all…I don’t stop.
I know that some of these works are the best I have done to date.
Others… not so much.
I have little or no interest in them after they leave my easel…
I do not care what happens to them now…orphans they are.
I am just glad to be rid of them from my minds eye;
like the feeling of removing a large thorn from under a nail.
I look forward to the showing,
but I hold no expectations for the event itself,
the final outcome of this labor. For the end result is not what I am after.
Living in these moments of being one with the work that is what ignites my inner flame…that is what matters most…being burned alive in the flame.
Being burned Alive.
Charred bones in the calabash bowl.
I am grateful to work myself hard and press myself for my best.
Today I work for the knowing. I work for the joy.
Leaving ego on the side of the road, with her good buddies fear and doubt telling them all to find a ride with someone else…there’s no room at the inn for you…