Life above the Fold

BAD! Kitty Art Studio…
(above) one of the collaged A.I.M. magnets from the
(ever growing) collection…
So…last night while waiting for the fast food dinner to arrive because I was so tired, I didn’t care what we ate for dinner, just that the boys had something other than each other to chew on. The oldest starts asking questions of his way to exhausted Mother (yep, that’s me). I am so lucky…
Here is a little of the conversation…
Oldest: “Mom what’s a condom?” (he is nine)
Mom: “Well son, it’s a tool for grown-ups to use to keep from getting STD’s.”
Oldest: “what’s a STD?” (should have known that was coming, this is when I snapped to and got the brain pan online)
Mom: “Well, it’s a sexually transmitted disease. You can get diseases from having unprotected sex, when you are a grown-up, and condom’s are to keep you a little safer.”
Oldest: “So, where do they go?”
Youngest: “I know, I know…they go on your boy stuff! Right Mom?” (he is eight)
Mom: ” Yes, that’s right…how did you know that?”
Youngest: ” a girl at school told me.”
Mom: (now alarmed) ” Why were you talking about condom’s at school?”
Youngest “She said she found some condoms in her parent’s room and was talking about it.”
Mom: (now even more alarmed and uncomfortable) “So, did she know what they were for?”
Youngest: “yeah her Mom said they were for not making babies though.”
Oldest: “Yuck, babies! Gross.”
Mom: ” Well they do help prevent pregnancies too.”
Oldest: ” Mom how do you get a condom on your stuff? I mean…how does it work?”
Mom: (who is now not believing that I am the only adult in the house, and really wishing Dad was around) ” Well…uummmm, look son, you are not old enough to need to know this stuff yet, and when you are I promise I will tell you all the things you will need to know, OK?” (I am thinking where is the freaking Pizza already? Save Me!)
Youngest: ” I know…you have to swallow them so you can pee it out, is that right Mom? I wonder if they taste better with Orange Juice? You know like medicine?”
Mom: “Well, boys…no you don’t swallow them, and I promise I will tell you all about this when you are old enough to worry about sex, right now that is not something you need to think about, and sex is not something you need to know all about yet, except remember how Mom told you about how babies are made? That’s sex, and it’s only for grown-ups that love each other.”
Oldest: ” Ok Mom…sex is so gross! Babies…yuck! But Mom… when will I be old enough to have sex?”
Mom: ” When you are 30.”
Just then the mohawked pizza guy showed up…and the boys screamed Yea! Pizza’s here!
Youngest: (while eating pizza) “Mom, where do lesbians come from?”
Mom:” Eat your pizza before it gets cold honey, I have to call your Dad…he should be home soon, and you can ask him that one OK?”
Youngest: “Ok Mom, can I have some Pop with my dinner?”
Mom: ” No, it’s bad for your bones honey, here’s some juice.”
Oldest to youngest: ” I wonder where girls put their condoms?”
Mom: “where the heck is the phone!”
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  1. Carol
    January 17, 2007

    What a cute and funny story (though probably not to you at that moment in time) Kids always know justthe right time to hit us up with “those” questions. I am hoping that the rest of your evening was better and at least that the pizza was good!

  2. HMBT
    January 17, 2007

    The pizza was good, and the evening went much better after The BAD! Dad got home, I took a long shower and we all watched Avatar…while cartoons are on…no questions asked!Thanks Carol! 🙂

  3. Cynthia
    January 21, 2007

    That’s too funny! I was really laughing with you…I am fielding similar questions from my 9 year old daughter. I think you handled it well.

  4. HMBT
    January 22, 2007

    Thank You Cynthia! I know isn’t it great when you hear the words…”Mom what’s….”? I have started to cringe a little with those questions of late…last night they wanted to know what male enhancement was and why was the guy on the commercial so happy about it? ARGH!I shot my television last night. :)(just kidding…well in my head I did…twice!) LOL


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