Quote for the day
“There is no satisfying the senses, not even with a shower of money. The senses are of slight pleasure and really suffering. When a wise man has realized this, he takes no pleasure, as a disciple of the Buddhas, even in the pleasures of heaven. Instead he takes pleasure in the elimination of craving.”
The elimination of craving, is where I am today.
I am working hard at eliminating my need/craving/desire
for information, for money to cover my basic needs, for a larger family unit, for friends that lived closer to me, for my life to be what I want it to be, instead of what it is. I am not bemoaning my present state, instead I embrace what there is to learn from my present experience. I ask for it to hurt as much as it possibly can…hurt from: not having, not knowing, not understanding how I am going to make it work, in every aspect of my work/home life balance.
Everything is as it should be. I focus on today and the circumstances, obstacles, work, and important tasks at hand.
I continue to pursue my ideal work/life balance with intent and purity according to my own inner by laws.
I know that it is what it is, and that is a set of circumstances, that I have all the control over. I have control about weather I am going to be freaked out and panic about things I can not know, and can not change. Or I can use that feeling of
anxiety as fuel to push me forward, into the rest of the day,
like p-nut butter meeting jelly for the first time, full of protein and sweetness, yet so familiar that it makes you sick to think of eating it again.
I am eating it again. I make my way, creating words, art, and moments of clarity for my clients…Loving my kids, singing my own song as I labor in the field of my real life.
I sing those old songs of the deep south, the prayers, the messages to others, the secret code of music and beat and harmony with the back breaking work that life is. I labor in this field of mine with pride.
I love work, I love challenge, I love being the underdog, that’s when I kick into gear. I no longer work my day job, I got fired for not being able to keep up the required amount of hours…Even though my numbers as far as money making stayed the same…That’s the issue, they want people who can do this type of work non-stop for hours and hours back to back…I am NOT a telephone actress, so that was so hard to do….Like doing a one woman show with 60 seconds quick changes of elaborate costumes backstage every 30 minutes.
I know my accountability in getting fired. I did not show up, and eventually after months of not wanting to do it, they fired me. I make some serious cash for them, so they really didn’t want to do it, but I made them. So I forced this situation to this place…And now I have to figure out how to get from here to there, when I am not really ready to fly on my own with no safety net (regular paycheck).
So I plan today, I plot, I scheme, I make an action plan on how to use what I have already set into motion and kick it in the ass, and maybe find a new job, or make what I have work better.
I will not let this get me into a brain space where I flog myself into a place where nothing gets done, because I don’t know the next step…I just keep placing one foot in front of the other…I’ll eventually get there, just because I am too stubborn to quit.
Now is the time for action, make things happen, shake the money trees, shake the earth, make it known that ready or not here I come, full steam ahead, all power to the force of my intent to be what I really am, honest, loyal, hardworking, and fucking stubborn.
Watch me make the best of this.
Because that’s what I do, I make the best of the situation, I do the best I can with what I have available, when I know better I do better. I will also concentrate on not wanting.
Not Wanting till it hurts, or makes my somach in knots, because that is a waste of precious heartbeats…
and we all only have so many,
so today, I work to make mine count.
Be BOLD today,
Dare to stop doing the things that you are used to doing, try something new, you can always change your mind later.
Just Live today, give it all you got, I will be doing the same. You know where to find me,
in the moment…
Raw and radiant
Heather/ Sybil Ann
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