My first thought was of the
Concentration of effort,
determinations about my truths and my reality,
and the promises I have
made to myself in the past year.
Looking back on 2005
I see that I have been burning all year…
Burning up like a forest fire.
I see where I stumbled…
So did all of you that read the daily quotes…for the last 270+ posts…
Well it boils down to this,
This last year was chock
full of fire, passion, and zeal.
I did live beyond the clichés…
I managed to live another year in the moment…
Almost all the time.
It’s all bitch work some days…for sure.
I had a situation last night where living in the moment
Was brought to my attention
By my own child….this is fun you’ll like it…
*Short background history for the living in the moment lesson*
My Step-Mom used to give me
Medicine at the drop of a hat…Nyquil and Benadryl at night
Were common before you go to bed things in my house.
I hat the smell/memory of any of these OTC liquid based medicines and will not use them to this day….
*Now for the Living in the moment Lesson*
I have the flu.
It sucks…I can’t sleep because I can’t breath.
I needed to take something to sleep
And get some rest.
My Mate Man has been sick too, and asked me to
Pick up some Nyquil
Last night, he was telling me…
“come on, get over it…you need some sleep, I’m going to pour this dose out in the little cup…and leave it on the counter….you decide what you want to do with it.”
Then he did just that and walked out of the room.
I paced about, in the kitchen
I muttered to myself that I just couldn’t take it….the smell…I was going to throw-up
You know… your basic six-year old tantrum shit…
And my 16 year old walks in and says,
You’re not gonna take that stuff are you?”
I started spewing about how I couldn’t… it just brought up to many memories, and I was scared.
He just looked at me…
“Mom…you are not six anymore…”
Thank the Universe for my children!
He was right…I am not a little kid…I am the adult that
has the flu…
so…I drank the fucking Nyquil…
And slept like a baby.
Because in this moment I don’t have any baggage about something as stupid and wasteful of energy as being afraid of OTC medications…gimme a break!
So, I am whole…not all the time…but even when I’m not being
My most impeccable
I still am.
Because I won’t have to do that again…
I’m never gonna forget that stuff
But it does not rule the choices I make for myself today…
As much or for as long a time, as it once did.
I am in better control of really living in the moment
Because I have spent three years practicing…and the people around me have been supporting, learning, loving…and they are a network of
“snap my ass back on track” people.
They have learned…and use my own teaching, ranting,
Spewing and turn it around and use it to help, heal and love me back into the moment.
I finally have what I have always wanted.
A strong network
Of real, live
That will love me when I need it,
Leave me alone when I need it,
Tell me to shut up, sit down and listen when it need it.
Accept me as-is…and as I change.
I have my fantasy family.
I created the change, and now it’s used freely in my home
All the time, by all of us…and
It’s changing the world
By this one home being full of imperfect
But willing Live Beings…
Watch out world…
Watch us Universe…
We are going to use it all up here, this time.
Living without regrets,
Living like it’s the last ten seconds,
Creating traditions, and new patterns…
Really, really in the moment and feeling fine…