I am excited and scared…That’s good. I keep having those thoughts in the back of my mind…I call her my silent screamer…she is the one that says…”no one will come…why keep working so hard?” My answer to her has been the same for the last three years…”shut your pie hole and go to your room!”
We all have a silent screamer inside…the one that eats at our self confidences like mice on cheese. I just won’t give in…not today. I will push ahead, not worry about the final outcome, and go with my gut. I know that my market research is good…I have talked to hundreds of people, been to numerous “art parties”, joined countless groups, talked my freaking head off…and still I come up with the same answer…just do it…my way. I am flexible, I can roll, I can bounce…I can swing to and fro…but I remain myself…not what any person, place or thing “thinks” I should be. I’ll live in a box under a bridge before I give up on this dream… Before I say…”OK Art is status…and it’s who you know, not how much heart and soul you have. It’s about how much money (the artist) can come up with to buy their way into an art career. It’s about pandering to the status quo. It’s about my prices being high so people will think I am a respectable artist, therefore by buying my work, they elevate their own personal station in life. Art is for those who can afford to buy/understand it.”
Bullshit on all that. Good art makes you stop and look at it. Great art moves you in some way. Terrific art is something that changes you, inspires your inner you, alters your inner dialogue, communicates to the subconscious, gratification to the soul. If I was a used car Salesperson…I would be putting an… “now how can you put a price tag on your child’s safety?” here in my little speech…but the fact is that for me it is not a speech.
It is My Truth.
My work has, can and does sell…that is a proven fact. I can and will continue to work my ass off, do what it takes, and compromise not one of my ideals in doing so…why you ask?
Well faithful reader, it is simple. I will do with less (stuff, money, status) and live the way that makes me happy…I have learned from being born Upper middle class…Living as a young adult in the streets and other government sponsored programs….then as a self-made upper class business super woman who had it all (stuff, status, money) and now as a full fledged adult with mouths to feed of her own, who lost it all (stuff, money status)…that the FACT IS… money don’t me me love. Not one ounce of it, and it’s the only stupid thing that can’t be bought….that and happiness…Crummy bastards.
I tried, trust me…I tried to buy it away…but failing was the best thing that ever happened to me…my life is a bucket of stress and grind…just like everybody else’s…I worry we won’t have this or that…the kids will do this or that, fret over the political climate, stress over the economy, money, bills, and am if I pleasing my man.
Knock, knock…life sucks most of the time…it’s drudgery, and boring, and never freaking ending…being a grown-up is so over rated…but I love it. I want it. I want more. I used to confuse the racing heartbeat of chaos/drama with excitement/living, now I understand that that was fear…not living…not really living fully.
I want it…but “my way”. I’ll work hard and fail beautifully if that’s what it takes, but I know that it won’t, and even if it does…I’ll live thru it. It feels too right, too good, too…well, everything, to change my mind and go back.
Human Beings need Art in their everyday lives because it heals, speaks, inspires and explains…Period. You need art in your living environment because you need to speak, heal, be inspired and explain…and possibly reward yourself for the hardwork of keeping on, keeping on everyday…stiff upper lip and all that.
Paintings…art…ALL ART…is a portal into and out of yourself.
You need art in your life, not a pretty picture that says “I match the couch and drapes…I am all pulled together.” You need Bold Art that says I am Human! SEE ME! It may also look great with the carpet and drapes too..that is the bonus.
I am creating my space….I am creating my reality, I am being the change I want to see in the world…
What are you doing today?
Whatever it is, consider looking inside today…and turning the volume down on your own inner silent screamer…or maybe just stuff a sock in it.
Have a soulful day…I am going to…even if all I am doing is cleaning, organizing, and doing my day job, taking care of my home and kids and getting ready to meet you…I am giving everything I have got to the Universe today…screw the RetroGrade of the planets…Today I make my own travel plans.
Art of the day up next.