The Adventure Begins for our Trusty Heros Mate Man And Hot Grrl

Today is May 4,2004

I have been dreaming of sex

every night for the last week.

I wonder if that means I am getting

too much

or too little.

I have been dreaming

of me and my mate

watching a lesbian

orgy.

We have a great time with each

other and watch the “show”,

hey, it’s just a dream…get over it.

I miss touching boobs, just a little.

I was a lesbian for many years.

When I met my mate

I was dating a nice-ish

butch Lawyer Dyke

that liked her sex way

too rough for me.

Plus she was wacky,

not in a good way,

I was trying to figure out how

to break up with her

when Mate Man came on the scene.

Actually, my mate is only the third

Man I have Been Serious With.

(the other two were when I was A teenager)

I don’t generally find Men attractive

beyond friendship levels.

I have slept with a lot of both sexes

but men were only when I was really young

and trying to figure out the world, and

my place in it.

I was molested and raped

by both sexes as a child.

You would think that would

make me not want anything

to do with sex.

I like sex, now.

(after lots of Therapy… Thanks Doc!)

But Men do tend to

freak me out, in general.

(Except Faggs…I love Flame Boyz!)

I thought that women had to be

“safer” as sex partners,

for lots of obvious reasons.

Then I grew up and found out that I

was the one that was

unsafe,

because I sucked

at picking sane and safe partners

no matter what their gender.

Mean people really do suck.

When I met my now

Mate for Life

we were working at Brandon Hospital.

(that’s in Florida, for those who care)

I was working the graveyard shift

on the Mother and Baby Floor

and he was the graveyard

lab supervisor.

He is the best

Vampire I have ever seen.

He was the one that all the

straight single nurses were talking about.

I was trying to hide my sexual preference

from all my co-workers

Because the level of Bigotry

in Florida about Queers

is almost unbelievable.

(All you Southern Florida Dykes

Know what I’m Talkin bout, Yeah Sista

It Sucks in SwampTown bein A Queer.)

Being that I worked on a womans floor

it was so much more important

that no one know that I

was A Huge Flaming Dyke.

They

were so perverted!

Like I’m gonna think cleaning

up a woman after childbirth

was some kinda sexy.

Wackos.

None the less I needed my Job

to take care of myself and my

oldest son.

I was sent down to the lab

with a rush order on some

14 year old crack Mom Pee.

(so they could prove that she was high

and snatch her newborn baby from her)

As I walked into the lab

There was this big

bald, guy standing behind the counter.

There were so many overhead lights in that place

he looked like he had a halo

because of the lights bouncing off

his big ole bald head.

(I think Telly Sevalis was hot)

And I saw a ring of

light around his whole being,

really…

He was glowing.

We exchanged pleasantries, but

he was not in charge of menial tasks

such as documenting,

the incoming crack mom pee.

So some chick stepped up to help me.

He says that as soon as I left he went

to the log book to find out

where I worked and

who I was.

That night he did rounds in

ICU and No-natal. Those are at the other end of

the Floor I worked on.

He looked Real Nice in the lab coat and scrubs.

All the nurses started talking as soon as

he left our floor.

He did make a point of finding me

(I was hiding in the back reading)

and saying Hi.

The nurses were in a tizzy.

He was trying to break it off

with one of the L&D nurses

at the time.

He had not looked for her

but he did find me

and everyone noticed.

Long story short

he started trying to find me

whenever we were on the same schedule

and he had rounds on my floor.

I thought he was nice,

but not like more than friend nice.

( I wanted to do him, just because he is hot,

but in the lesbian world,

generally speaking,

good lesbians don’t crush on boys)

As I mentioned

Before

I was a Practicing Lesbo

and not “Looking”

especially not for a Man.

(I had been exclusive to Grrrls

for more than 6 years at that time)

The nurses kept telling me that he would

make a great husband, that every one

of the single nurses

(that were not gunning for a doctor that is)

were trying to catch his eye.

That I should “go for it”.

Yuck!

(just as a side, the “nice guy” Label sucks tough

titty, because those “good” guys never get any and end up

with lots of female “friends”)

So, I started having breaks with him, and dinner

in the cafeteria and smoke breaks.

He is really very funny

and he tells the most terrible dirty jokes

(I didn’t like that part, and told him so,

I was a prude back then)

And He was just sweet and nice

and HOT.

It took some of the pressure off of me at work

to explain myself all the time.

So, he finally asked me out on a date.

I stood him up.

He forgave me and asked again.

I stood him up again.

But the second time I called

from Naples

I was partying with a group of rich

white dykes…

And I felt bad about standing him up again.

I’m not a heartless monster, don’t you know.

We talked for four hours.

I finally told him why I was

standing him up all the time.

Because I don’t like boys.

He took it in stride, said he understood

and said that he wouldn’t

mind still getting together for

a friendly lunch.

I could even Bring my Son.

So, we went to lunch.

We talked, he was great with my son.

We talked about my life

(just a little)

and his

(just a little)

and started to really get to know each other.

(still doing that getting to know thing BTW)

He said that he wasn’t concerned with me

being a queer, he just thought I was cool

and wanted to get to know me, even

if it was just for friends.

He has a hard time making real friends too.

So I was happy that I had found a friend.

One that I didn’t have to lie to.

Then he went and said something that

really changed my life.

We were sitting there,

with our

Fried Chicken Salads and Beer

at Tadpoles

in Valrico

and we were talking about

Love Relationships.

(I had just escaped from my crazy dyke lover,

of five years,

and run away back home to Florida from Portland)

I was saying how I didn’t

ever

want to be in another long term relationship.

I just wanted to screw around, conquer some chicks

and have some fun.

And He said,

“You know,

Falling in Love is not

an act of Surrender.”

That may not mean anything to you

but at the time, it was pure

magic for me.

I thought about that for days and days after that.

Actually that moment was when I stared to recover.

I was in such a dark and tainted

place inside.

I felt that I was

unlovable

ugly

stupid

inept

and bound to continue being a failure.

It was that moment that I

thought to my self

“Hey, now what’s that mean

and why did it have such a huge effect on me?”

I went out with him again.

After a Couple of un-dates,

I realised that I liked him

as more than a friend.

I told him.

He was glad.

It took 6 more weeks before I

slept with him.

I was nervous I wouldn’t like boy parts anymore.

So was he.

(scared I wouldn’t like it)

Let me tell you,

I still don’t find men attractive in that way.

But he rocks my world.

I mean really rocks my world.

Like OH LORDY GRRL!

He asked me to marry him six weeks later.

I’ll tell that story later.

It a good one too.

It took me three+

years to say yes. He waited.

We have been together for almost nine years now.

Married for 5.

I won’t let him call me his wife.

So we are mates.

That’s how he became Mate Man

and I am of course,

Hot Grrl.

We cruise chicks together,

and I’ll only watch lesbo porn with him

(I still don’t like it all that much)

and we can talk about anything because we

are friends and lovers and parents

together, and we don’t have to lie.

I have been able to continue my recovery

from my past abuse

and not miss a step.

With him, beside me, always

and trust me thats not always

pretty.

I am now a humanist.

I don’t really belong with the

queer population, anymore.

I miss them,

but they don’t want me because I’m

sleeping with a boy, it’s even

worse that I

breed

with them.

And I don’t belong with the straight

population, because I’m not.

(straight in any way)

And The Bisexuals that I have met

have been swingers.

I am not, I am into monogamy.

The Drag Queens and

Transgendered folks have

always been open to my freakism

but how do you meet them in the real world?

Abuse survivors don’t talk, so how do I reach them?

So… where, Oh where, am I to

make friends?

Well, it’s harder than it was in high school.

(I didn’t do well then either, My Dad Kept sleeping with all

of my friends, and teachers and all the single Moms of my

friends, that bastard)

So, I don’t have many social

contacts.

It can be very lonely.

I wish this world was easier to fathom.

So, now you know even more about me,

how about giving me a little

info that is, about you.

Can you relate?

Are you Lonely tonight?

Have you figured it all out?

If you know any answers,

take pity

please let me know.

I guess thats all for today, folks.

I have work to do.

So I better get to it.

I’ll post what I get done today In

Works In Progress

later, tonight.

I will be online at

8:00- 8:30pm PST, if

you want to tell me it all.

Later all,

Just Today, Just Imagine

Growing in Truth,

H

P.S. I just finished reading and

getting approval to publish

this story from Mate Man,

I was just being all sexy and stuff.

(I read it to him in bed)

He laughed and liked it.

As I was being all saucy,

I turned around and tried to walk

real slinky away from him.

You know the one that goes

the walls are made of magnets

and your hips are made of steel.

I am good at this one.

He started Cracking up…

That was not what I was going for.

He came over to my now,

totally deflated self,

and pulled a long tail of toilet paper out

of the back of my pants.

I guess I didn’t notice that

the last time I was in there.

He

is the really funny one

and Said,

“Oh Hot Grrl!

Wait! You do have a tail!”

I almost broke my arm

falling down

laughing.

Just you wait Mate Man,

Just you Wait.

H

Don't be shy!